Sunday, January 22, 2006

Basketball.. F1 racing,... Soccer... Why do people even watch them...

I have seen lots of guys following English soccer like crazy(or atleast they show). Same goes with F1 racing too. When a famiy visit their friends and if one of the visitors turns out to hold a high-post managerial job, then he would ask the young lad to tune into ESPN so that he can see what happened to the Newcastle, Tottenham match(Who is the captain.. ummm.. oops.. I forgot).

In India, these sports are not at all a hit. These same guys might have never played soccer in their life, and even if they played, do they play for fun or they play just to justify their interest in english soccer. So that they can get an ethical certificate to watch such sports for life. Usual comments follow 'When I used to play soccer.. ' (I wonder why they don't now)...

I mean, until and unless you have played such sport in the past, until and unless you have felt the excitement of the game more than once, or there is a direct/indirect connection with the sport(I mean, is your country or someone is representing your country in that sport),
you should not follow such sport else its a complete SHAM.

As if, if you do not watch such sports, you are not cool... You are not part of an intellectual cult.... You are just the same stereotype person who knows nothing other than his job/family... You would not be able to babble in group gatherings and argue that why such and such team and such and such player is excellent.

A common chat in the canteen and local pubs goes like this..
'Abe kal Arsenal ka match dekha kya.. kya match tha.. score was 0-0. Main raat ko 2 baje tak jaga hua tha ye match dekhne ke liye...'
What!!! This asshole was awake till 2 in the morning just to watch a soccer match in which he has no direct or indirect connection to the teams involved.
He shows more patriotism to such teams than his country.
What does he benefit or loses if his team wins or not. Does he play soccer in the city or is he part of any soccer team. Does he inspire inspiration from the quality of the game and applies the same when he goes out on the field(if he really goes, that is)

Such suckers do not even know the names of all the players in the side, who is their manager, what their strategy is, but they would sit in front of the television and talk...
'Abe aaj Liverpool vs Manchester United ka match hai.. office se jaldi aa jana, daru peete peete match dekhenge'. 'I am supporting Liverpool and this time Michael Owen is going to score a hatrick against MU'. (What a fan-following).

Whats worse is that the same people will show more frustation than the player who missed his chance of scoring a goal. 'Abe itna simple goal tha, kaise miss kar diya. Sala poora mood off gaya. Ek beer maarna padega'. (Ok I give it to this person as he finds a genuine excuse to drink beer)

I used to watch a lot of cricket when I was crazy about cricket. I didn't watch it to see who is winning or who is losing.. but to see the batsmen how they hit those glorious shots, how bowlers deliver the ball, watch the field placing and the passion of the game. That is why I used to watch any match, literally any match, whether its highlight, whether its a ranji match, whether its an old match, whether its live.. I used to watch them all. After taking all the lessons from the television, it was time to practice them out in the field. And so we did and became a better cricketer(read sprotsman).

I liked the matches in Australia as the telecast and coverage was too good( Channel 9 . The cameras were so well placed that it followed the ball such that you are really watching the game from a stadium.

But now, I have lost all interest in cricket and its been months I played cricket. More because its more time-consuming and now I realize its a stupid game and there are better sports to try out than this, which I am going to discuss in detail in a different blog.

So I do not watch cricket at all, I do not know who is winning and who is losing, who is the new star and who is in the controversy until some colleague educates me about it.

Then, when there was a cricket match on tv, I always used to take a side which came naturally. Ofcouse it was always India when India was playing and when it did not involve India, it was the weaker of the team which was playing. Maybe its because I developed a habit of perseverense by being a part of the team which was losing. Its easy being part of the strong team but little tough being part of the losing team as you wish and hope more than what you actually enjoy.

Its not that I have followed cricket all my life. I have followed tennis to a great degree when I was in 6-7th standard. I learnt almost all my game by watching tennis rather than someone giving me tips on how to play it. This I feel very proud of( until one coach gave me some tips). But nevertheless, I am still self learner in this regard. ( Off-topic: Steven Edberg and Monica Seles were my favorite)

You would then ask how you learnt cricket which I would then say that learning cricket is not that tough (I am not talking about professional cricket).. Its quite simple and almost every kid in the town excels in it unitl and unless he has got a fat butt, he cares only about pussies(I am not talking about cats.. ohhhh. you knew what I meant.. sorry), or his momma/dadda is a bitch.

Then I followed basketball a lil bit and it was really lil bit. I learned more in the college by playing than by watching. And I have never watched a complete match of basketball which involved players like Michael Jordan and Pippene, etc(I don't remeber the names now). Why? It was because it was too difficult to digest or practice those shots. They were just too perfect and too perfect(yes I said it twice). Then this game takes a lot out of you physically and being physically not that strong, I couldn't keep up with it.

I never followed table tennis although I played quite a bit in school, college and now in my recent company. But I never liked table tennis that much. Maybe its because I never achieved the success which I deserved or should have deserved. I do not know the name of a single world champion. (No wonder, those chinese names are so hard to remember).

If you are following a sport, you not only just watch it and say 'Wow.. what a shot...', etc. but look at the equipment they are using in different situations, why they use them.. like Saurav Ganguly uses a heavy bat as he plays most of the shots on the rise, while Azhar uses a light bat as he is wristy player and needs a light bat.

So I say to all those suckers that stop ur bitching and instead of watching/following a sport, pick a sport and practice it. I know its boring for beginners but thats the way it is. If you can't, then better suck cocks than fart about that you know a lot about soccer. Meet you in the field.

Before I end, I would like to say what the heck is about F1 racing. It really beats me. How can anyone watch the entire race. First of all, it makes such irritating noise when it goes around the track, then the fun is all of the driver's and not the spectators. Then how is that driver or the driver's country related to you. Other than Narayana Karthikeyan who always come second from last. I would enjoy the race if I could put my money on it just like a race course. Thankfully, I have never seen it for more than a split second when I had the luxury of keeping the remote.
I think the only fun part is the cars cartwheeling, bursting in flames, some guy with broken bones, maybe one or two dead.

Don't ever ask me 'Abe tu English premier league ya F1 racing follow karta hai kya else I will make you read this horrible article'

Many blog posts are on the way

I have loads of blogs ready to be posted but the problem is that they are not complete yet.
I just out of the blue start a blog and then stop it when as usual encounter BLOGGER's BLOCK.

Some of the articles are like 'Who reads my blogs?', 'Why do people blog?', 'Indian vs Western slangs', 'Why I never hear honk while driving?', 'Who's the next conspiracy theorists', and lots and lots more.

One day I am going to give up everything, like food, drinks..(which I always do) and then complete all my blogs and ask Harsh to read it. And read them myself when I lose my job. And almost die with hysterical laughter.

So keep checking your Atom feeds.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Kumble wins the match for India.. again but.......

....he is no entertainer... He says you need to spin the ball only three inches........

so Shane Warne, Murali, Saqlain Mushtaq, Harbhajan et al are idiots who try to turn the ball more than 3 inches...

He may be a match-winner, he may be consistent, he may have experience, he may have a big dick(sorry that was off-topic), but he is no entertainer. What he does is by taking wickets which I have not understood till date... Wait, I think I have given a thought to it once..... and let me remember them....

He is not a spinner... He is a medium pacer. So all batsman have it in their mind that Kumble being a spinner, and as a spinner, will bowl slow and try to spin the ball. But wait, batsman has been fooled. He sees Kumble coming, the ball drops on the middle stump and by the virtue of Kumble being a leg spinner, the ball should come just outside the off stump. But hell no, it doesn't spin at all. It is hurtling towards the batsman pads which is straight in the path of the middle stump. Ok ok , assuming the ball doesn't spin(what the heck am I assuming here?), the batsman should get some tiny-miny time in correcting himself and bringing the bat in front of the ball. But hell no, as Kumble's ball not only doesn't spin, but it also comes as fast as Prasad(Venkatesh.. remember)... So no spin and a fast delivery fools the batsman and he is watching himself making way for the pavilion.. During his walk to the comfortable dressing room, he is musing over how did he got out and how he will not be fooled again.

So as you see, how you get a wicket. Tell him, I am a spinner, I am going to bowl slowly and will spin the ball. Batsman gets prepared for it but gets rather the opposite, fast and straight. Gets out.

You: But Mr stupid blogger, your arguments are not that satisfying.. What you just said holds true for only for the first ball. If the batsman gets through the first ball, he would know that Kumble is and play accordingly.

True said partner.. But in any form of sports, you develop a kind of mindset when playing. For eg.. if you are playing tennis on an extremely bad dug out court, your mindset is always that the ball will drop and come to your racket nice and straight. First time you learn it and start playing accordingly there after. This is what you know all along that I will be playing on a smooth surface. But as you start to play again, you tend to forget it and come back to the same notion that the court is smooth. Another ball drops in a crack, and you miss it completely.

Most of the wickets taken by Kumble are not great deliveries, they are deliveries of deceit and low quality. Ever got out on a full-toss, ever got irritated by a looper, ever got irritated by a delivery which comes to your bat on the tenth drop.

Time to get rid of Kumble and bring someone new which entertains, not deceits.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Whats cooking.... doc?

The following is the list of items/dishes which I cook or prepare or eat.

1. Two eggs omlette in the morning. Earlier I used to add some onions and tomatoes but now stopped it due to laziness.
2. Two glasses of milk with honey.
3. Some bananas.
4. Ocassionaly bread with omlette.
5. In the afternoon I take the pathetic lunch in the office which is always end up with some curd and rotis.
6. In the evening rarely I eat anything.
7. By the time its dinner I feel hungry like hell so rush back to home.
8. Cook bolied rice with potatoes, salad, curd, pickles(yes, thats it).
9. Sometimes Varun comes and cooks khichdi(its yummy).
10.Maggi is always the best alternative.
11. Last week, Varun and me brought some ready meals and its quite good.
12. We got paav bhaji, matar paneer, some potato dish which I am yet to taste.
13. Not to forget the occassional fruits(pears, mango, apple, grapes, etc).
14. And daab ka paani(coconut water)...
15. And mouth watering, poochka(panipuri).
16. When in the restaurant, I like to have all sorts of things but always start with chicken clear soup.
17. Some chicken items like chicken tandoori or fish items, and anything will do as long as it is non-veg. And basically try out some new things.

Yup, I am going to cook rice now and have it with curd and aloo ka sabzi....


The Metallica founded the Metallism. The four original Gods, Lars Ulrich, James Hetfield, Cliff Burton and Dave Mustain. Dave Mustain due to his adultery and non-conformship with James Hetfield was ousted from the Holy Land of Metalland. He formed another religion of Megadethism which is almost similar in principles with Metallism but lacks the harmony, rythm of a true religion. Cliff Burton the God of all, died at an early age before he could write some good scripts.

Metallism is mostly based on music with voices on death, depression, hatred, anarchy, suicide, drugs.

When the Gods lived....

Some believe the Gods still live....

Holy Book.. errr. I mean song....

Holy Land...

Holy Day....


10 commandments of metallism..

1. Thou should always sing/talk about hatred, depression, suicide, murder, suffering, etc. Thou should write atleast one song on suicide. Thou should never ever sing about love, girls, babes.
2. Thou should indulge in heavy drinking, taking drugs, till you are arrested by the law. Thou should not attend any rehabitilation centre and even if you are forced to do so, thou should fail miserably.
5. Thou should have long hairs atleast for one year in your entire life.
3. Thou should take part in one famous scandal of your life.
4. Your songs should not be understood by anyone when you sing. You should try that even if people refer the lyrics page, then also they should not be able to follow it.
5. Thou should break guitars, destroy property, damage stage equipment when the time is ripe.
6. Thou should swear constantly when a paparazzi asks a personal question.
7. Thou should have sexapades with the groupies.
8. Thou should not listen to pop songs especially by Britney Spears, Chritina Aguilera, Jelo, etc. Showing your liking for them is a great crime. Thou should not miss an opportunity to talk about them on how unoriginal they are and how they suck.
9. Thou should not take bath, should not shave, should not clean yourself, should wear only dirty and torn clothes.
10. Thou lyrics should be totally out of this world such "I love it when you smell my dirty socks" and "I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me".

Once you are a part of a metal community, you should not change your religion to evil religions such as popism, electonicism. These religions are evil and would spoil your mind.

Taking your life at the age of 27 would land you in the gardens of heaven.

Mode of prayer to Metal God.

You should listen to metal songs at high volumes at odd timings under the influence of spirits.
This practice should make your neighbour to either flee or come once in a week asking you to turn that shit down.

Daily prayer would make you a true devotee and earn you high respect in society.

Once in a week on Saturday(holy day), you should gather with other people in a holy place such as a pub and drink the holy spirit together. Songs in the praise of Metal God should be played. Videos of various Gods playing should be viewed on a big screen. If the holy place such as a pub is not available then you can invite other people at your home and pray in unison. You should try to follow the mode of prayer.

You should always head bang when you are stoned in a group.

You should listen to loud music at your home. Your mom should make comments such as "Is there anything wrong with the tape?" or your father would shut the tape thinking that the cassette has stuck in the tape. And your grandmother should comment after looking at one of the videos "These boys are really sad.. They did not have love.. If they come to me, with my love I would turn them into loving persons".

I am out of bed and dressed. What more do you want!

Laziness is a virtue. Its a fact. If you know it, then stop reading further and give your ass a rest.
Let me educate others.

To state a simple and universal fact, if there were no laziness, there would have been no invention of wheel. And hence no invention of technology. We would have been still living in the dark ages.

What more, there would be no perl and there would be no fun in life. Ok, I would not discuss about perl.

Another quote on laziness. "Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now". Thats it, I do not want to argue further.

Think about it. All the things in the life are meant to be comfortable so that we can be more lazy. Lazy people are the consumers of cool things and hard-working people burn their asses so that they can make cool things. If there were no lazy people there wouldn't have been any consumers and no business. Starting from refigerators, air conditioners, vehicles, planes, wrinkle free shirt, robot automated industries, internet, voice dialing, remote control, etc. etc are for lazy people. Even nuclear bombs have been created for people who are too lazy to even fight(haha.. what an exagerration). If you want to end the world, just press a button of nuclear missile and go back to sleep. Who wants to travel all the way to the other part of the world and start a fist-fight.

Man is indeed a higher animal. Lower animals adapt themselves with the environment to suit themselves while man adapts the environment to suit themselves.

If man doesn't change their environment then it is doomed. There would be some loss in terms of increase in temperature, increase in carbon dioxide, some species getting extinct but the loss incurred without these changes would be huge leading to the extinct of human civilization. Men is not only born to rule the earth but other planets as well. And this dream cannot be realized until and unless there is some constant progressive movements in terms of technology.

All those who disagree should shed their clothes, go to a jungle and hunt antelopes. Good luck.

I am back to my bed. Oops. I am already there. Need to keep this lappy on my side and close my eyes.